Hollywood Freaks in the Hollywood Scene

Last night I attended a UCB show of my very talented and very funny friend Mary Catherine. I felt silly going over to the hipster side of Hollywood dressed in my work clothes (most people who attend UCB dress like they are in a "my sneakers are cooler then yours" competition) but I sucked it up drove east. I stopped at a mediocre Sushi place next to the theatre, ate dinner alone for the first time in 3 years (which was actually quite relaxing and enjoyable.. no offense honey) and stared at the huge Scientology Celebrity Center mansion in all it's creepy glory. Afterwards, I picked up a cookie from the sceney coffee shop two doors down, where the barista spoke with a very cunning British accent and I wondered if he was really British or was just some actor rehearsing for a minor role in a Dyson commercial. From there I wondered into the every growing line which I didn't expect at all for a Monday, ate my cookie and read The Onion quietly while I waited to enter the Theatre.

Now, every time I have gone to UCB, I am usually with a group of people talking and not really noticing my surroundings. What a fucking scene that place is! Every person in line was a wanna be comedian/actor but of the extreme case.. I'm talking high school president of the drama club times 10! I mean these people were worse than talent agents, kissing the cheeks of every fellow UCB class mate, interrupting each other every other word to try and top each other with a funnier or wittier comment. I mean I just wanted to stand up on a chair and yell "IT'S OKAY PEOPLE, EACH ONE OF YOU ARE BRILLIANTLY FUNNY AND LOVED" while simultaneously shoving Xanex down their throats. All I could think was just let me in so I can see my very funny friend MCand can stop listening to you crazies, and THANK GOD I don't work at Innovative anymore where I had to deal with people like you on a daily basis!